


After the Fall

by YukiRiikus_Reading_Room



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, post purgatory
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-08
Updated: 2013-01-08
Packaged: 2017-11-24 05:20:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/630866
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room/pseuds/YukiRiikus_Reading_Room
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What do you do when you've left Hell behind, but it won't leave you?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Shaking Fingers

**Author's Note:**

> So this is a series of short stories about Dean and Castiel's relationship after escaping Purgatory. They're not really meant to go together per say, but they all have a similar feel.
> 
> Once again, if you see this on Tumblr, I have a Tumblr account and originally posted it there.

They’d only left him alone for a few minutes.

After he and Dean had escaped from Purgatory, Cas had been different.  Whenever possible, he refused to leave Dean’s side, especially when it was dark.  Sam had walked past the room they now shared at night and heard Cas whimpering that he could still feel their fingers under his skin, prodding him.  Other than that, the angel refused to talk about what had happened in Purgatory before Dean found him and they escaped. 

Neither of them thought anything of it when Cas wandered into the bathroom.

Then he started screaming.

By the time Sam got there, Dean had managed to pull the angel’s hands away from his face where he’d been clawing at himself.  Dean motioned for Sam to leave, nudging the door shut behind him.

“Cas, I need you to talk to me.  What’s wrong?”  Dean said, swallowing past the lump forming in his throat as he looked at the blood on his hands. 

“The water…” Cas groaned, looking over Dean’s shoulder in fear at the water in the tub. 

“I filled it up and walked away, Sam asked me a question.”  Dean said, confusion clear on his face.  “What about it?”

“They tried to drown me.  Before I found you, in Purgatory.  I was walking by the lake and these hands reached out and pulled me under.  It was like they were toying with me.  They would pull me down until I thought I would drown, and then let me get back to the top to catch my breath before they dragged me down again.  I just barely managed to break free from them, and then I found you.” 

“I’ll drain it then, okay?  Will that make you feel better?”  Dean asked, jerking the plug out.  Cas visibly calmed as the water disappeared, but didn’t still didn’t let go of Dean.  “Are you going to be okay?”

“I will… just don’t leave me again, please.  I don’t ever want to feel so alone again.”  He said it so desperate and honestly that all Dean could do was nod in response.  Cas leaned forward to rest his head on Dean’s chest, closing his eyes.  The look of complete faith in his safety in his arms almost made Dean want to cry.  “I haven’t inhabited a body this long in centuries.”

“Is that a bad thing?”  Dean asked, his arms snaking around the angel’s waist as he leaned further into him. 

“I suppose not.  But it’s starting to get furry.”  Cas said, raising his head to look at Dean when he laughed.

“Why don’t you just shave then?  You know how, right?”  Dean asked, helping Cas to his feet when he nodded.  “Why don’t you work on that while I get us some grub?  Sound good?” 

Cas nodded, trying to stay calm as Dean left him standing at the sink razor in hand.  Sam followed him to the door, confused, as Dean explained he was going out for a bit. 

“Are you sure it’s a good idea?”  Sam asked.  Dean shot him a look, pulling on his coat.  “Look, if something happens, I’m not going to be able to calm Cas down.  He trust you Dean, not me.  Why don’t I go get the food and you stay here in case he needs you again?”

“I guess you’re right.”  He sighed, passing off the car keys. 

He’d already given up by the time Dean walked back to the bathroom.  Hand pressed to the spot where he’d cut himself, Cas looked up with tears in his eyes at where Dean stood in the doorway. 

“I couldn’t keep them steady.”  He said helplessly, looking away.  Dean gently moved towards him and pushed his hands away taking the razor from him.

“I can do it if you need me to.”  He said, watching the brief fear in Cas’s eyes as he looked up.  “Do you trust me?”

“Of course I do.”

That was how Sam found them when he got back from the store and glanced in the bathroom at them, Dean carefully finishing up from shaving off Cas’s beard, Cas gripping Dean’s other hand tightly. 

Sam left them alone, happy to see that they could at least find some sense of solace and stability in each other. 


	2. Trembling Voices

He said he didn’t feel like sleeping, that he wasn’t really tired.  Someone should keep watch, just in case.

Dean thought it was a load of bullshit.

After he was sure Sam was asleep he crept down the hall to the other room where they’d left Cas to ‘keep watch’, careful not to make a sound.  He knew something was up when Cas suggested he wasn’t tired.  Hell, they’d just gotten back from Purgatory, he needed a decent rest.  And yet he’d refused to sleep and thrown out excuses, all the while trying to hide his eyes from Dean.

It didn’t matter.  He’d already seen the terror there.

Peeking his head around the door he studied the angel sitting on the window sill looking out at the moon through the slats in the blinds.  Where the light touched his skin he practically glowed, the light throwing into stark relief the sickly color he’d taken on recently.  The hands that he’d so often held to try to comfort him in Purgatory were shaking, his arms wrapped tightly around himself as if he thought by making himself as small as possible, his memories might leave him alone.

His eyes were most telling of what he’d been through, and when he turned to look at Dean, they were sparkling with tears. 

 *****

“You could have just told me, you know.”  Dean said, his voice barely louder than a whisper.  He strode over to the other bed and sat down on the end of it, wanting to give Cas space.  “I would have understood.  You’re having nightmares again, aren’t you?  You’re afraid to sleep.” 

He never would have been able to do this if it was Sam that needed him.  Try as he might, he was emotionally unavailable from years of playing soldier to his Dad.  But somehow with Cas, it wasn’t like that. Maybe it was because Cas didn’t see any reason to lie or say anything but what he meant.  Secretly, not that he’d admit it, Dean felt more comfortable with Cas than he had with anyone else he’d ever met.  So if Cas needed him, he was going to be there, the same way Cas had consistently been there for him.

“When I dream, I’m there again.”  His voice was shaking more than Dean had ever heard before.  Wrapping his arms tighter around himself he looked at the floor, hiding his face.  “I’m more afraid of waking up and finding I’m really there.  I can’t go back to that place.”

There was something to be said for sitting back and waiting for Cas to come to him.  But now wasn’t the time for that. 

He held out his hand, a clear invitation, which Cas took without a split second’s hesitation.  As the angel clambered into his lap Dean held him tightly, wishing for a way to take the pain away.  Somehow he’d found a way to distance himself from the pain, to keep it locked away where it couldn’t wreck him, but not Cas.  He was too open for that kind of coping.

“Will you sing to me like you did when we were there?” He asked, his lips brushing Dean’s throat as he buried his face in his shoulder.  Dean nodded, wracking his brains for a song to tell Cas how he felt so he wouldn’t have to say it. 

_When you try your best, but you don’t succeed_   
_When you get what you want, but not what you need_   
_When you feel so tired, but you can’t sleep_   
_Stuck in reverse_

_And the tears come streaming down your face_   
_When you lose something you can’t replace_   
_When you love someone, but it goes to waste_   
_Could it be worse?_   
  
_Lights will guide you home_   
_And ignite your bones_   
_And I will try to fix you_

Cas pressed himself closer, his hands bunching in the fabric of Dean’s shirt.  He struggled to listen, to stay away, but the fear that had been driving him was dissipating in the gentle voice beckoning him to sleep.  Closing his eyes he gave in to how tired he was, to the comfort and safety he felt in Dean’s arms. 

Dean didn’t notice Sam in the doorway, watching him with tears in his eyes.  He’d never been more proud of his big brother, not that  he’d tell him that. 

Even after he’d fallen asleep, he didn’t stop singing or lay him down.  He watched the angel sleeping in his arms, stroking his hair as he sang to him everything he was afraid to say. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *The lyrics above are from Fix You by Cold Play. If you don't know it, look that up - its hauntingly beautiful, to say the least.


	3. Flickinger Flames

If you’d told Dean a year ago that angels were real, he would have laughed at you.

Now, watching Castiel mumbling in his sleep as he pulled the blankets up around him, he knew better.  Sighing he reached for the beer waiting for him on the bedside table as he turned off the light, carrying it with into the other bedroom where his brother sat at the desk researching things on his computer.

“Did he finally fall asleep?”  Sam asked, worry clear in the lines on his forehead.  Dean nodded as he flopped down onto the bed taking a long pull from his beer before kicking off his shoes.  “Poor guy, he’d really having a rough time adjusting huh?”

“He’s an angel Sammy, an angel that got stripped of his grace and landed his ass in Purgatory.  So yeah, I guess you could say he’s having a rough time ‘adjusting’.  How’s he supposed to adjust to something like that?”  Dean snapped, taking another drink from his beer.  Taking a deep breath his face softened.  “Look, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have shouted at you.  I’m just worried about him, you know?”

“I understand,” Sam said, shutting his computer.  “Why don’t I go get us come more beer?  You keep an eye on Cas.”

“Hey, wait a second.”  Dean said, sitting up.  His brother smiled at him, shoving his hands into his pocket.  Dean cleared his throat, suddenly unsure what to say.  He really wasn’t good at all this mushy stuff.  “Thanks.”

“No problem.”  Sam said, grabbing the keys for the Impala off the hook by the door.  Taking a deep breath Dean lay back on the bed, hoping he might be able to get in a little cat nap before Sam came back. 

He awoke to panicked screams coming from the next room.

“Cas?” Falling out of bed Dean scrambled to his feet and ran into the other room, barely holding back tears as he watched his angel flailing against the sheets, his eyes still tight closed.  As he thrashed his wings made broken patterns on the wall in the moonlight.  Hurrying over to him Dean flipped on the small table lamp on the bedside table before grasped his shoulders gently, calling his name over and over again.  “Cas, c’mon Cas I need you to wake up.”

Cas’s eyes shot open, a mangled sob escaping from between his lips as he looked up at Dean.  Sitting down on the edge of the bed Dean gathered the wrecked angel in his arms, rubbing his back as he started to cry in earnest.

“You okay now?”  He asked once Cas’s sobs had subsided, the angel shakily wrapping his arms around the hunter’s waist.  The angel nodded but didn’t let go, burrowing deeper into Dean’s arms.   “What were the nightmares about this time?”

“You,”

Dean wasn’t sure what to say, his arms going slack.  Castiel pulled back, bright blue eyes still shining with tears as he took Dean’s face in his hands. 

“You were dying, and I couldn’t get to you.  We were back there, in Purgatory.  I was running for you but I never seemed to get closer, and all I could do was watch as Lucifer killed you over and over again…”  Castiel’s voice cracked as he watched the realization sink in, Dean’s gaze softening.  “I’m not strong right now Dean.  I can’t protect you anymore.”

“Then let me be take care of you for a change.”  Dean said gently, raising his hands to cup Cas’s as he leaned forward and pressed his lips against the angel’s.  “I’m here for you Cas, no matter what happens.”

“I know,” He smiled, sealing Dean’s lips with a kiss.  He yawned as he pulled back, his face panicked again.  “I’m so tired…”

“Don’t worry, I’ll stay with you.”  Dean whispered, kissing Cas on the forehead as he reached for the lamp.  Cas grabbed his arm to stop him, biting his lip.

“Can you leave it on?”  He asked, his face relaxing when Dean nodded crawling under the sheets with him.  Curling around Castiel’s back he held the trembling angel close, listening to the steady, heavy sounds of his breathing as it slowed and fell into a sleeping rhythm at last.  Pressing a gently kiss to the nape of Cas’s neck Dean finally let his eyes close, his entire body calming from the familiar closeness of his angel. 

 As long as he had Cas, Dean thought as he started to fall asleep, everything was going to be okay.  Cas would always be his candle in the window leading him home. 


End file.
